Getting past the power struggle phase

ImageOh how i love beginnings. Beginnings are filled with joyous laughter, an adrenaline-filled rush of blood to the head and the dizzy feeling you get after spinning. Beginnings are for those who adore, love and need butterflies. If only beginnings would last, but alas there’s a point where things change. Everything stops and you fall. Can you get back up? Will everything fade away for good or will you make it through the rough patches? Will these scars remain or will they magically disappear?

What is this phase and when will it end? Will it ever feel the same as it did before again? After the honeymoon phase, questions are all you’re left with and as time goes by, you find yourself going insane because they start to eat you up inside.

You have every right to fear and loathe the power struggle phase. Who wants to be subordinate? Who would ever give up the good fight to be on top? Why would you want to surrender? You’re not that person! You won’t be that person.

I don’t like to sugar coat reality so here’s the truth:


There are two types of people and love:

Type one – Eros love 

This is what they are talking about when you read about the love chemical. It has a huge effect on this stage of love. You feel it in the beginning of a relationship. You are completely obsessed with the other person. Passion and fire is rampant. You rarely think of other things. You tell people you are in love. They can do no wrong in your eyes. It is exciting. You feel completely desired, wanted, and worthwhile. This love has an expiration date. It wears off. You start to see their flaws. It gets old. I’ve heard this can last up to about three years. Some people let the “love” go, saying it has become boring and they don’t feel the same way. Often this is for the best, but sometimes they let go because of immaturity and look for the next best thing, the next high. This first stage of love has to happen to get to the next one. I’m sort of glad it expires, because you wouldn’t be very productive or balanced if you were completely obsessed with a person forever.

Type two: Agape love

If you are lucky, you go into this second stage. This is commitment love. It is characterised by unconditional positive regard, patience, and self-sacrifice. There are ups and downs, but you stick with it bc you realize that real love isn’t a feeling, it’s actions, loyalty, and grace. This takes maturity and you generally have to have developed a real friendship with the person that will whether the ebb and flow of emotions. Sometimes the fire re-surfaces on special occasions, but it’s not as all-consuming or long-lasting and brainless as eros was. This is what the 80 year olds celebrating their 60th anniversary have.This love protects the other’s heart and shows love with actions even when they don’t FEEL love for the other. Obviously, it seems like this is rare, and it is pretty rare. It requires unselfishness and for people to lay down their pride from time to time. That also takes intelligence. But it happens. They may not always be perfect to each other, but by and large, they go the distance because the majority of the time spent together is this kind of eternal love. You just have to realize that in real life, it’s not the fantasy people represent it to be. It’s work, it’s family. It’s not everlasting eros. There is more of a choice, and I think this means more. If it’s easy to love and treat you right, you should expect it. If it’s a constant effort that reaps sweet rewards, it means a lot.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

Love is patient, Love is kind,
It does not envy, it does not boast,
It is not proud, It is not rude,
It is not self-seeking,
It is not easily angered,
It keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil,
but rejoices with the truth.
Love always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.
Love bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.
L o v e N e v e r F a i l s.
Two types of people: people capable of agape, and people who aren’t.

Which kind do you want to be? The choice is yours….

’till next time xxx


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