The Life Unlived and Other Nearly 30 Dilemmas

What does change smell like?

There’s a change coming. I can smell it. Just like I can smell the changing seasons. Fall smells of burning leaves and rain, spring of blooming flowers, summer of sweat (oh sweet sweet sweat) and winter smells of misery.

The transition from my previous life to my future life is now. I’m in the midst of a revolution. I try to fight it off but it’s not going anywhere. Everywhere I turn, another friend takes the plunge. Eager to jump into the next stage, they proudly show off engagement rings and baby photos. I sit in a daze, staring at the photos, wondering if they’ve completely changed or if they just look different to me. People come, people go. That’s a constant change i’m quite used to by now.

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Live, Love and Lose

My first loss came in my early 20’s. I lost two of my closest high school friends. They did not perish no. Hold your prayers. They’re still alive and well. I just couldn’t keep them in my life as our paths had changed dramatically. After that, I got really good at kicking people out and inviting new friends into my life. I wonder if that’s something to be proud of. Much like dating, friendships became unstable for a while. I tried to mingle with different groups of people. I had party friends, chill friends, friends I called on the phone, those I brunched with and some I even opened up to. As I grew into the 29-year-old woman I am today, I learned how to deal with different personalities. My friendships, in recent years, as a result, have been a lot more stable and substantial. This lesson was a tough one to learn though.

Change was never my strong suit. I hated it all along but I just got really good at adapting. The more people I dated, the more friends I made, the more I accepted their eventual departure. I began to value their existence in my present state and tried to avoid stressing out about the future.

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What should really matter in these years, leading up to the end of your life – did you think you’d live forever – is the journey. Think of your life in stages. First you were born, then you were an adolescent, young adult, adult and a retiree.

Times, they’re a changin

Now, those same friends are taking the plunge into marriage. Diving right in with no fear. What scares the living crap out of me excites them. I attend their weddings, make a nostalgic speech about our good times and the stability of love found in marriage, drink at their open bars and wonder if that’ll ever be me in the bridal gown.

Change is good, they say. I don’t believe half the things they say though. Change can only be good for those who can deal with it well. Some of us aren’t good at dealing with huge changes. We need a transition period. We need to come to terms with the loss of our youth. We’re inclined to question every aspect of the change before we take the plunge. I fall into the latter category of people.

The lonely life isn’t for everyone but it’s such a great life. Being the king/queen of your own castle and setting your own rules and schedule. Some of us aren’t good at interacting with others on a regular basis. I know I always need a break from people. That doesn’t make us weird. That makes us human!

I love this song by Bob Dylan. He was onto something here:


The big deal

Marriage is wonderful. It’s companionship. It’s a promise. It’s about understanding each other’s needs. Change in this sense is amazing. Imagine, sharing your life with your best friend but even best friends fall apart and if anyone knows about that, it’s me. The best part of life though, is realizing you were born alone, to die alone and what happens in the middle should shape the legacy you leave behind. If you choose to do that by reproducing, you’ve chosen the simple way out. Sure, pop out a few kids. We can all do it – as long as infertility doesn’t get in the way.

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Things to remember: you’re awesome! 

What will differentiate your story from all the rest? As long as people are okay with that definition of what it means to grow up and accept the changes life brings knowing this, i’ll attend as many weddings as I’m invited to, hold your bouquet, buy a gift and even become a god mother to your children.

Live the life unlived people  xox

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