It’s story time here on Vidaesque and this time we’re going to share a lesson learned about dating a cheap guy.
A while back one of our readers decided to give online dating another chance. She met Matt, a good on paper finance expert with a CFA, a place downtown and great hair! Her and Matt quickly set up a first date. They opted for coffee so they could see each other in the flesh and decide if there was enough chemistry to continue chatting.
A short coffee date turned into a two-hour long chat and neither one of them wanted it to end. They got along great, found one another attractive and had tons to discuss. Matt wasn’t as tall as she’d hoped he’d be but in her search for love she knew there were compromises to be made.
After the first date Matt continued to send her constant messages, ask about her day and make her laugh. She couldn’t wait to go out with him again.
when it came time to plan the second date, Matt mentioned something she didn’t know how to respond to. He uttered the dreaded words: “let’s go somewhere cheap.” Apparently Matt had spent all his money over the summer and was “too broke” to take her out anywhere fancy. She stuttered in response: “ok, well how about just a few drinks then?” She didn’t want to come off as high maintenance but it didn’t look good.
When they met up to walk over to their chosen venue, she was starving but afraid to mention food. She didn’t know if she could even order appetizers and this bothered her.
They settled in on a patio and ordered their first round. He talked and talked and she kept wondering if they could share an appetizer. He grabbed the menu, looked it over and put it back down. When the waitress came around to ask if they’d be eating, she looked to him for an answer. “Oh, you can take the menus. We’re not sure if we’re eating here,” he said. “I know a great, affordable pizzeria around the corner. You like pizza right?” She wasn’t impressed. Her appetite had suddenly disappeared. Why did this good on paper man not have the decency to wine and dine her properly? Perhaps he really was broke and she had to play the part of an understanding date.
Their date served as some sort of a test. He was trying to see if she would be the girl who’d be okay with just drinks and a pizza and she was trying to see if he was looking for something serious. As their dates continued – she really was trying to give him a chance to prove worthy – financial issues began to become the highlight of their conversations.
“Great marriages are those where the wife and husband have separate accounts,” Matt would say. “Would you be more interested in a pretty ring or real love?”, he’d ask.
She tried to answer the questions as honestly as possible. She was independent enough, a fan of the luxurious lifestyle and never expected a man to take care of her. On the other hand, she didn’t mind being wined and dined while dating and he had made it quite clear that he “wasn’t that guy”. After about three weeks of dating, he changed overnight suggesting that they were different and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that. She was a bit shocked but decided to talk it out. They set up a day to get together and chat but in the meantime she wondered, is my date cheap? Should I change my needs and wants to accommodate his lifestyle? What have I done to make him unsure about whether he wishes to pursue me or not, she wondered.
There is no straight answer here but there is the most trusted feeling a woman can always rely on called your instinct. Your gut feeling is never ever wrong. If you feel as though your date isn’t treating you the way you’d like to be treated then opt out as soon as possible. People don’t change. This is the beginning so he should really be putting his best foot forward. If at this point in the dating cycle, he is making it clear to you that he will not be “that guy” then believe him. Assess whether you’re “that girl” who can put up with cheap dinners, diners and a lot of nights at home. Decide what you want from your love life and either throw him away or re-adjust your standards.
Personally, I would never settle so i don’t recommend re-adjusting anything but if you feel as though there is no one better than this guy out there for you, then feel free to compromise away.
All the best xx